all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
