She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
