your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
