If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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