Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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