Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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