she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
