awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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