Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
