everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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