Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
