Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We're too hungover to prance.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
