dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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