Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
