Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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