This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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