My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
