Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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