at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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