If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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