man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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