I am spending my child support on dildos
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
