hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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