the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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