My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
