fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
