From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I got her a Nickelback box set.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
