Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
