I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
