i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
