Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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