look no pants
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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