i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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