Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
