Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
