wrigley field is MILF paradise
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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