I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
