you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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