Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
