shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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