Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
