Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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