fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
