I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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