He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
