Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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