chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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