I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
