Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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