come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
