weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
